Trust

Just a short post today; more of a rant really...

How much can you really trust a person. Someone whom you think very highly of but then proves to you that it was all just a huge mistake. It's weird when you want to forgive them so much that your judgment gets clouded and it turns out that you're the one comforting them. They say the sweetest words that come just out of nowhere (okay, not nowhere; I thought those words were just deeper in the ground then they actually are). Now, I cannot seem to get my mind around the words that were said and am completely confused at myself... why am I forgiving what was done? why do I still want to see this person so badly? why am I even thinking this over and over?! I know my mind wants to do something, but something else inside me tells me to do something else... My feelings are a mess and I know yours are to, we just both cause so much trouble for each other. I promised you... I will keep that promise... I want to keep that promise.

Now, when you talk to someone who you also trust highly... and they seem to not believe you, it hurts so much, there is just no one else to trust. I know they have the my best interests in mind but being the stubborn and vain person I am I just can't seem to get that through me. I don't understand why it's so difficult to get rid of my pride and just let my life go along easier. The biggest problem I have with you is that I can see that you don't really care. Or maybe I'm just not picking up on it but you always seem to hurt me in the same way every single time.

My vision is clouded like there is no tomorrow and I sense that everything will not turn out well. I don't want to lose you (one out of the two at least; I'm sick of the drama (internal) that comes with a certain someone and I guess you're just someone I don't need). I just want to sit alone and forget about it but it's getting harder and harder to do just that because everything around me just reminds me of those things I want to keep away. I want to keep the trust up and not become a hollow shell but it's hard to change the way I am completely in a blink of an eye.

- Rebecca